I have never felt more alone....

Actually that is a lie.

I have always felt alone.

Being lonely....is part of my life....

Ditto feeling isolated from everyone else.

When things are going good and everyones happy......I'm surrounded by people.

But when life is shit and I get upset....I'm on my own. Nobody cares....nobody talks back.....nobody stands up for me. Not even my own mum.

So these 6 nights were hell.....every single day is a drag. I start my nights wanting to die, wanting to just fly fly fly away......and end them knowing I've got more to go. I'm fake, I have to do the job that I despise.....and I dont get along with the peeps there. But I try I try so so so hard. Does nobody even fuckin realise ?

I start off my nights being told off about how stupid retarded mentally challenged intellectually disabled handicapped and useless I really am. Yes you make me breakfast.....but it's never the breakfast I want to have. You plan what I'm gonna have.\ Who cares if I'm not hungry, who cares if I dont like it ? Its "for my own good" and if it's "good" for me then I should accept it without questioning, and be grateful. What I want is never important anyway.

I come home in the morning and the routine is similar. Yes I am tired as hell but I better hurry up and just get on with it so I can have my dinner and not waste other people's time. Then I have to go to bed at the time they want me to so yeah. Freedom ftw.

So he lets us watch a dvd (woww) until midnight so that I can adjust my bodyclock (which is good, but I didnt want to watch it). He doesnt know I use the laptop and I left the broadband thing on because, well....that's what you do. But to him Im wasting electricity so he switched it off and gave out tome. him and bro drinks beer and I say I want some. So I go to get a bottle and of course bro says loudly dad will know and of course he asks bro whats with the shouting and of course bro tells him and of course he starts screaming about what a horrible slut I am and I should commit suicide and all. Oh, and he scrunched up the fathers day card and put it on my desk. Thats how much its worth.

And thats how much I worth.