Bio#1

I don't have any baby photos.

Or at least any photos of me under the age of one... His idea. I was too sick, too skinny, too ugly, and I may not live past 6 months. What's the point ?

I hated being sick. I remember how bad it felt...and the commotion I cause everytime I got sick or coughed out blood. Now he is saying -no, screaming- how every time I get sick, it is him who actually took care of me, and apparently Mum did feckall. Well...

1. What could she do when he (the dominant figure) kept barking and barking and gripping hold of me, not even giving her a chance to be near me ?
2. He didn't exactly help by giving out to me for being sick. Oh yeah. I'm so sorry, like. I'm not saying he doesn't care about me. Of course he does, but mannnn does he know how to make a child feel like shit.
3. I was actually sorry.....for Mum. I remember when I was 3 (Yeah I have a tendancy to remember things from a very young age) I got really ill, fever and all. He gave out to Mum during allll this time. I had to go to the hospital. On the way there in the taxi, I remember saying to her that I was sorry for being sick and making him give out to her....She told me not to think about that, reassured me in the best way possible.......

Sometimes I wish I really was sick....so sick that it would end my life. This life that I hate sooooo much. This life that was shaped by him. I feel like a mere pon on his game of chess. But then I would think of Mum and say to myself.....Could be worse. Could be much much worse. Nomatter what, I will pull through. I always do. One day, I will start to take control of my life. I will live for me and her.

. . .
*godspeed*
. . .
. . .

moqi (the girl who is not allowed to talk to her Mum)

ɯod!